Light at the end of the tunnel...

Just got back from watching the movie, Brothers...yeah, not the smartest decision I've ever made. I held it together for the most part, the plot of the story didn't get to me, it was more of the action seen from when the main character is captured as POW in Afghanistan. It was not a pleasent experience, and there are just some things you can't take back seeing. So, with that said, I came home, alone, and felt pretty miserable about this situation.

As I desperately got on facebook, I searched to see if Tucker was online, he wasn't. I went to his profile and saw that he listened to a familiar christian radio station that we always listened to together in California. Something told me to turn it on and listen...here are the lyrics to the song that was JUST BEGINNING as I turned it on:

I won't pretend to know what you're thinking
I can't begin to know what you're going through
I won't deny the pain that you're feeling
But I'm gonna try and give a little hope to you
Just remember what I've told you
There's so much you're living for
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
Shinin' bright at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
So keep holdin' on
You've got your disappointments and sorrows
You ought to share the weight of that load with me
Then you will find that the light of tomorrow
Brings a new life for your eyes to see
So remember what I've told you
There's so much you're living for


After listening to this, I felt the spirit trying to calm me, and it happened. So I am currently still listening to this radio station, and wouldn't you know it, the song title is stuck.

As little as this might have been tonight, it gave me more faith in God. I was comforted by knowing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel...for now, I will just keep driving through it. There may be speed bumps along the way, I'll have to slow things down, but for the time being, I'm going to set my cruise control and just keep knocking down these days.

MONTH #1

As expected, the first month was very emotionally hard for me, and Tucker also. I've learned to keep my spirits up and surround myself with people that love me. I've been trying to keep myself busy, and as a result, this month went by quicker than I thought it would. It also helps that I get to talk to Tucker a lot more than I predicted. So heres the big question, right?..."How's Tucker doing?, What is he doing?" My answer: I know just as much as you do. I wish I had all the answers myself, but the truth is that none of us will know EVERYTHING until he comes back, and even then who knows if he's allowed to talk about some things. What I can tell you, is that when I do get to talk to him, he sounds in good spirits and when I am blessed with video chats via skype (THANK GOD FOR SKYPE! SERIOUSLY) he looks great! He says he gets more sleep there than he does at home, ha, that dang wife and dogs!


(^Video snapshot from a webcam chat)

But he really isn't supposed to talk about his jobs out there, so I know very very little. I've just been holding onto my faith, knowing that there are SOOOO many people praying for him every night. It really is such a comfort with that knowledge. The power of prayer is amazing, and I am not worried. Most of my tears are just a result from him not being with me, or from the weird feeling of being the "kid" of the house again.

My plan to move to Missouri looks like a slim possibility now, I had a vision that everything would be okay once I got there, and I wouldnt think about Tucker because I'd be so wrapped up into my new life out there...but let me tell you, when I went to visit a few weeks ago, NONE of what I thought I would feel was what I actually felt. Instead, I felt somewhat lost, and alone. I loved the feeling of the small town life again, but it just made me depressed, wishing that I was moving there with Tucker. Needless to say, it did not feel right for me, and it just made me think there was something else I am supposed to be doing with this time. For now, I am just staying here with my family and friends in Las Vegas, and taking online classes through my college in California.

My goal is to try to update everyone once a month, for the next 7, 8, 9, however long this is, months. So check back soon!!!

"See ya"

Tucker and me saying our "see ya's" as he waits for the bus to load.
Not the best day for me obviously.

I love him so much.

Build-a-Bear

Four more days together until Tucker deploys....UGH! Not fun. But to make the next 8 to 9 months easier for me, we went to Build-a-Bear and made a "Tucker bear" (we actually named him "Cash") that I can snuggle with at night =) It even plays Tucker's voice if you squeeze his paw!



It's incredible how much he resembles him, huh? ;)
Guess this is as good as it gets to actually having Tucker with me.

Last visit to Vegas

This past weekend, Tucker and I made our final visit to Las Vegas before his deployment. When we first got in to town, we stopped at my parents house where they threw Tucker "Christmas in October." As always, Tucker was very appreciative.



After he opened his presents we got out the top tear of our wedding cake and celebrated our 1 year a little early. (at 8 months) And since neither of us were wearing anything like a wedding dress or Marine Dress Blues, we had no rules when it came to feeding the other person...(and as you can see I took advantage of that!)



Coinsidentally, Halloween fell right in the middle of it so of course we had to celebrate that too! My mom, dad, Kinzi, Connie, and Austin (&his friend) came over to carve pumpkins with us Saturday morning.





We wish we could have stayed longer because there were so many other people to go and see, but unfortunately like always, Tucker had to get back for WORK the next day :(

Marine Corps Ball

Turns out Tucker actually enjoyed himself a little this year at the ball. Maybe it helped to have such a happy wife along for the ride...maybe? I dont know ;)

But as I promised...

Trail Time!

--Another post today, I'm getting good at this =)

Tucker and I just got back from a good hour walk on the dirt trails by our house...just wanted to show everyone how well we keep our dogs clean (right after a grooming too!!) At least the dirt on Tilo blends in with his fur but POOR LILY! Its not her fault she's white...




Looks like someone's going to get a bath tonight!

camping...in the living room?

So since we're packing up our apartment this week, yesterday we decided to buy an air mattress that we can sleep on when we pack up the bed. Tucker decided to "surprise" me with setting up the tent inside the living room and putting the air mattress in it...it was pretty fun not going to lie!



Needless to say, this is how we will be sleeping the next few weeks =)

WE'RE BACK!

Okay, I lied on my last post. Not only did I not update MORE for people following, I didn't post at ALL..wow. But on my behalf, it's been pretty crazy here. (both physically and emotionally) We've been packing and getting all prepared to move out. Tucker's handling it so much better than I am, I'm an emotional mess ha. One minute I'll be totally fine and strong, then the next reality will hit me and I'll be balling my eyes out....poor Tucker and my girly emotions.

So on a brigher note, these last few weeks have also brought some very happy moments...We got Lily about a month ago, and she and Tilo have been surprisingly getting along great! They even cuddle at night =) Its so cute.

Tucker's baptism last Saturday was awesome. We got to talk with my old youth pastor, Neal, and his wife that was also my small group leader, Charity. After talking with them I've realized how much support I really do have and I've learned to switch my way of thinking up a little. For the next few weeks I've decided that I am going to cherish the time I get to spend with my husband. I've swapped the yucky feeling of him "leaving me" to a more filling feeling of "I get another day with him."

But, as awful as it feels to not be able to be with my husband for 7-9 months, my spirits are lifted with thoughts of moving to Missouri with my best friends Kinzi and Kiki. This will be MY time to gain that independance I really never got to have seeing as I went straight from high school to marriage. Maybe, no..not maybe, this IS a blessing in disguise. Not only will I be getting a lot of support from my friends during this time, I also feel that this trip will help me spiritually. By the time Tucker and I reunite, we both will be in a great state of mind. I already have some goals laid out for myself to accomplish by the time he gets back.

But back to the present. This Saturday night is the Marine Corps Ball, and I'm way excited for it, even though Tucker doesn't seem too anxious himself. For my birthday a few weeks ago, he bought me a dress for it and I LOVE IT! Here's a picture of it:



Ill be sure to post pictures of the two of us all dressed up this weekend I PROMISE =)

Together again at last!

During Tuckers week of misery, my friends Kiki and Kinzi came out to keep me company here in cali. We had such a fun time, and I sure enjoyed the time I got to see Kiki (who lives in Missouri and I only see her about once a year now)...but as sad as it was to say our "See ya's", I sure am happy to FINALLY be with my husband for longer than a weekend this time!!! We also just got a new car- a nissan versa- and we are very excited about that. Maybe later I'll post pictures of it. But that's all for now, and I'll try to update this more than I have been for those who are following =)

California Living

As you may or may not know, its been a hard couple of months for us...and unfortunately it will keep getting harder. Tucker has a lot of schools to attend before his DEPLOYMENT in december :'( This week he is attending SERE school...the first week is in class training so he's able to come home those nights, but next week I wont be able to see or talk to him all week because he will be out on the field training to be a prisoner of war! Scary. It's been a little nerve racking for the both of us. I just can't wait for this to be behind us.

But on a brighter note, we have also been able to spend SOME time together, and during those times we've made the most of it. My sister came out to visit 2 weekends ago, and the three of us went to the San Diego zoo and Sea port village! Fun stuff...(And if you'll notice I wore my zebra shirt and Tucker wore his turtle shirt)























That weekend we also got boogie boards!! What a blast that was!!

SURPRISE!!!

Tucker and I made a weekend visit to Las Vegas this weekend. Little did he know I had a little surprise planned for him. (with a litte help from facebook) I tracked down a few of Tuckers old friends from high school and invited them over to my parents house Saturday night. My mom was in on it too...so we told him we were just going to have a small family "birthday dinner" for him that night. When we walked in everyone yelled "SURPRISE!" Tucker didnt realize at that moment that it was more than just MY friends...but couple seconds later it hit him and he was completely shocked! It was such an awesome surprise =) He was so happy...



These next 2 months will be really hard on us, since Tucker has school after school after school....LITERALLY. I will be in vegas for 2 weeks while tucker is in virginia, come back to california for 1 week, back to vegas for 3 weeks while Tucker gos to Georgia, back to cali for 2 weeks, then back to vegas for another 2 weeks while Tucker's at S.E.R.E. school. (Survive Evade Resist Escape) Basically training for POW.
But thats the military life for you!

The newest (and possibly the cutest) member to our family...

Yeah, I convinced Tucker to buy us a puppy...ha. But even though right now might not have been the BEST time to get a dog, we sure don't regret it one bit. Tilo has been such an incredible addition to our family. And both of us growing up with little dogs of our own, I think we can both say with confidence that Tilo is the most animated, happy puppy we've ever seen! Not to mention THE CUTEST...and I know that everyone thinks their dog is the cutest but just look at this face.....



See, we weren't kidding =)
We're still trying to break him out of the "puppy pad" stage, and of course like any puppy he loves to bark and bite. Just a few more weeks and he'll grow out of it. (WE HOPE)

Hellooo Blogspot!!!

After looking at the many adorable blogs made by our friends and family, we decided to make our own. As you probably know already, we (Tucker and Tracy) are newlyweds and enjoying every minute of married life. It's incredible to finally be able to spend all this time with our best friend...and knowing that this love we have for eachother is forever, including the time left in this life on earth and the next one. All of it is such an unbelieveable experiance. We can't wait to see whats in store for us. Bring it on, we are ready!!!