MONTH #3

UGHHHHHHHH It's only been 3 months!! This past month has left me feeling discouraged, yet enduring. It's really discouraging me that I'm not even half way done with this, and its feeling like its been FOREVER that hes been gone. I still get to talk to him mostly every day, its not for long but I enjoy every second I get. And I think about it often, that I'm a very spoiled military wife, who's husband is deployed. I might complain or victimize myself because I only get 10 minutes to talk to my husband in the morning or at night, or that I have to be without him for 8 to 10 months. Most of them don't even know when they are going to talk to their husbands next, whether it will be the next day, or the next week, or even the next month. AND some, mostly in other branches of the military, are gone for YEARS at a time. Here I am feeling down about myself because its a few months.

So another update on my life at the moment...I went to pick up the keys to my house 2 days ago =) I officially move in this Wednesday. My friend Kinzi is coming with me for about 2 and a half weeks to help me set up my new life in California. I'm nervous about the whole thing, but excited too. Its mostly just the fear of the unknown, but once I get everything set up and in order, I'm sure I'll love it. I have a REALLY good feeling about it down there.

My friend Ellie from New York is coming to visit me next month for about a week....I'm really pumped about that also. Hopefully with all that is happening this next month or so, the time will be sure to fly by.

MONTH #2

Well this past month was pretty depressing with Christmas and all. Christmas Eve is Tuckers and my first date anniversary....Dec. 24, 2006...so it's a VERY special holiday for the both of us. For the most part, it went by faster than expected! I'm just glad the holidays are over and hoping that from here on out it will get a little easier to handle.

As far as communication goes, we talk almost daily, still, but mostly just on facebook through messages and IMs. A couple weeks before Christmas, the computer/phone tent blew over from intense winds and most of the equipment inside was ruined. They are just now setting up again with new equipment shipped out from the states, so I'm happy about that =) I can't wait to see his face on skype again.

I also have been getting letters from Tucker, I love his letters and I can't wait to reminisce while reading them years from now. Along with his letters, he also sent me a couple letters sent by kids to the soliders out there. Tucker has been responding to them, I'm sure they will be excited to actually get something back. I'm assuming most of the soldiers out there don't usually respond.

You guys can read them too, its pretty cute:





Other updates--We officially got a house on base, and I'm moving back there by February 15th. It's all set up and I can not WAIT! My friend Kinzi will possibly move out there with me for a couple of months until Tucker comes back so I'm not too depressed living all by myself, lol. If not I've got my two doggies and I'm sure I'll find more support groups and wives going through the same thing. And the best part about this transition will be that when Tucker finally comes home, I'll have my life set up there, no more jumping into the military life...Tucker will jump into mine for a change =) I love it, haha.

Light at the end of the tunnel...

Just got back from watching the movie, Brothers...yeah, not the smartest decision I've ever made. I held it together for the most part, the plot of the story didn't get to me, it was more of the action seen from when the main character is captured as POW in Afghanistan. It was not a pleasent experience, and there are just some things you can't take back seeing. So, with that said, I came home, alone, and felt pretty miserable about this situation.

As I desperately got on facebook, I searched to see if Tucker was online, he wasn't. I went to his profile and saw that he listened to a familiar christian radio station that we always listened to together in California. Something told me to turn it on and listen...here are the lyrics to the song that was JUST BEGINNING as I turned it on:

I won't pretend to know what you're thinking
I can't begin to know what you're going through
I won't deny the pain that you're feeling
But I'm gonna try and give a little hope to you
Just remember what I've told you
There's so much you're living for
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
Shinin' bright at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
So keep holdin' on
You've got your disappointments and sorrows
You ought to share the weight of that load with me
Then you will find that the light of tomorrow
Brings a new life for your eyes to see
So remember what I've told you
There's so much you're living for


After listening to this, I felt the spirit trying to calm me, and it happened. So I am currently still listening to this radio station, and wouldn't you know it, the song title is stuck.

As little as this might have been tonight, it gave me more faith in God. I was comforted by knowing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel...for now, I will just keep driving through it. There may be speed bumps along the way, I'll have to slow things down, but for the time being, I'm going to set my cruise control and just keep knocking down these days.

MONTH #1

As expected, the first month was very emotionally hard for me, and Tucker also. I've learned to keep my spirits up and surround myself with people that love me. I've been trying to keep myself busy, and as a result, this month went by quicker than I thought it would. It also helps that I get to talk to Tucker a lot more than I predicted. So heres the big question, right?..."How's Tucker doing?, What is he doing?" My answer: I know just as much as you do. I wish I had all the answers myself, but the truth is that none of us will know EVERYTHING until he comes back, and even then who knows if he's allowed to talk about some things. What I can tell you, is that when I do get to talk to him, he sounds in good spirits and when I am blessed with video chats via skype (THANK GOD FOR SKYPE! SERIOUSLY) he looks great! He says he gets more sleep there than he does at home, ha, that dang wife and dogs!


(^Video snapshot from a webcam chat)

But he really isn't supposed to talk about his jobs out there, so I know very very little. I've just been holding onto my faith, knowing that there are SOOOO many people praying for him every night. It really is such a comfort with that knowledge. The power of prayer is amazing, and I am not worried. Most of my tears are just a result from him not being with me, or from the weird feeling of being the "kid" of the house again.

My plan to move to Missouri looks like a slim possibility now, I had a vision that everything would be okay once I got there, and I wouldnt think about Tucker because I'd be so wrapped up into my new life out there...but let me tell you, when I went to visit a few weeks ago, NONE of what I thought I would feel was what I actually felt. Instead, I felt somewhat lost, and alone. I loved the feeling of the small town life again, but it just made me depressed, wishing that I was moving there with Tucker. Needless to say, it did not feel right for me, and it just made me think there was something else I am supposed to be doing with this time. For now, I am just staying here with my family and friends in Las Vegas, and taking online classes through my college in California.

My goal is to try to update everyone once a month, for the next 7, 8, 9, however long this is, months. So check back soon!!!

"See ya"

Tucker and me saying our "see ya's" as he waits for the bus to load.
Not the best day for me obviously.

I love him so much.

Build-a-Bear

Four more days together until Tucker deploys....UGH! Not fun. But to make the next 8 to 9 months easier for me, we went to Build-a-Bear and made a "Tucker bear" (we actually named him "Cash") that I can snuggle with at night =) It even plays Tucker's voice if you squeeze his paw!



It's incredible how much he resembles him, huh? ;)
Guess this is as good as it gets to actually having Tucker with me.

Last visit to Vegas

This past weekend, Tucker and I made our final visit to Las Vegas before his deployment. When we first got in to town, we stopped at my parents house where they threw Tucker "Christmas in October." As always, Tucker was very appreciative.



After he opened his presents we got out the top tear of our wedding cake and celebrated our 1 year a little early. (at 8 months) And since neither of us were wearing anything like a wedding dress or Marine Dress Blues, we had no rules when it came to feeding the other person...(and as you can see I took advantage of that!)



Coinsidentally, Halloween fell right in the middle of it so of course we had to celebrate that too! My mom, dad, Kinzi, Connie, and Austin (&his friend) came over to carve pumpkins with us Saturday morning.





We wish we could have stayed longer because there were so many other people to go and see, but unfortunately like always, Tucker had to get back for WORK the next day :(