Just got back from watching the movie, Brothers...yeah, not the smartest decision I've ever made. I held it together for the most part, the plot of the story didn't get to me, it was more of the action seen from when the main character is captured as POW in Afghanistan. It was not a pleasent experience, and there are just some things you can't take back seeing. So, with that said, I came home, alone, and felt pretty miserable about this situation.
As I desperately got on facebook, I searched to see if Tucker was online, he wasn't. I went to his profile and saw that he listened to a familiar christian radio station that we always listened to together in California. Something told me to turn it on and listen...here are the lyrics to the song that was JUST BEGINNING as I turned it on:
I won't pretend to know what you're thinking
I can't begin to know what you're going through
I won't deny the pain that you're feeling
But I'm gonna try and give a little hope to you
Just remember what I've told you
There's so much you're living for
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
Shinin' bright at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
So keep holdin' on
You've got your disappointments and sorrows
You ought to share the weight of that load with me
Then you will find that the light of tomorrow
Brings a new life for your eyes to see
So remember what I've told you
There's so much you're living for
After listening to this, I felt the spirit trying to calm me, and it happened. So I am currently still listening to this radio station, and wouldn't you know it, the song title is stuck.
As little as this might have been tonight, it gave me more faith in God. I was comforted by knowing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel...for now, I will just keep driving through it. There may be speed bumps along the way, I'll have to slow things down, but for the time being, I'm going to set my cruise control and just keep knocking down these days.
Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope...it can outlast anything.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
MONTH #1
As expected, the first month was very emotionally hard for me, and Tucker also. I've learned to keep my spirits up and surround myself with people that love me. I've been trying to keep myself busy, and as a result, this month went by quicker than I thought it would. It also helps that I get to talk to Tucker a lot more than I predicted. So heres the big question, right?..."How's Tucker doing?, What is he doing?" My answer: I know just as much as you do. I wish I had all the answers myself, but the truth is that none of us will know EVERYTHING until he comes back, and even then who knows if he's allowed to talk about some things. What I can tell you, is that when I do get to talk to him, he sounds in good spirits and when I am blessed with video chats via skype (THANK GOD FOR SKYPE! SERIOUSLY) he looks great! He says he gets more sleep there than he does at home, ha, that dang wife and dogs!
(^Video snapshot from a webcam chat)
But he really isn't supposed to talk about his jobs out there, so I know very very little. I've just been holding onto my faith, knowing that there are SOOOO many people praying for him every night. It really is such a comfort with that knowledge. The power of prayer is amazing, and I am not worried. Most of my tears are just a result from him not being with me, or from the weird feeling of being the "kid" of the house again.
My plan to move to Missouri looks like a slim possibility now, I had a vision that everything would be okay once I got there, and I wouldnt think about Tucker because I'd be so wrapped up into my new life out there...but let me tell you, when I went to visit a few weeks ago, NONE of what I thought I would feel was what I actually felt. Instead, I felt somewhat lost, and alone. I loved the feeling of the small town life again, but it just made me depressed, wishing that I was moving there with Tucker. Needless to say, it did not feel right for me, and it just made me think there was something else I am supposed to be doing with this time. For now, I am just staying here with my family and friends in Las Vegas, and taking online classes through my college in California.
My goal is to try to update everyone once a month, for the next 7, 8, 9, however long this is, months. So check back soon!!!
(^Video snapshot from a webcam chat)
But he really isn't supposed to talk about his jobs out there, so I know very very little. I've just been holding onto my faith, knowing that there are SOOOO many people praying for him every night. It really is such a comfort with that knowledge. The power of prayer is amazing, and I am not worried. Most of my tears are just a result from him not being with me, or from the weird feeling of being the "kid" of the house again.
My plan to move to Missouri looks like a slim possibility now, I had a vision that everything would be okay once I got there, and I wouldnt think about Tucker because I'd be so wrapped up into my new life out there...but let me tell you, when I went to visit a few weeks ago, NONE of what I thought I would feel was what I actually felt. Instead, I felt somewhat lost, and alone. I loved the feeling of the small town life again, but it just made me depressed, wishing that I was moving there with Tucker. Needless to say, it did not feel right for me, and it just made me think there was something else I am supposed to be doing with this time. For now, I am just staying here with my family and friends in Las Vegas, and taking online classes through my college in California.
My goal is to try to update everyone once a month, for the next 7, 8, 9, however long this is, months. So check back soon!!!
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